Somebody on this dock has just been told. Talk To The Tail gathers up every line she used to do it, printed on the art right beside her. A crab, a gull, a lobster or an octopus asks for something. She answers once, in a full sentence, without turning all the way around. The sidekick rarely takes the hint, which is why the collection keeps going.
The flat no
Absolutely Not holds a tropical cocktail against a dock piling while a crab on the post waves a sign she has already declined to read, and Absolutely Not Sir says the same thing to a seagull while curling both hands around a snack. Back Off Shellboy shoos a crab off her rock mid-sip, Anywhere But Here points a crab and his flowers toward any other spot on earth, and Bare Minimum Siren offers Lower Your Expectations over a martini in a script so pretty it almost sounds kind. Swim Away Darling reminds a lobster that he has the entire sea to leave.
Forwarded to the tail
The tail handles what she will not. Talk To Tail turns her back on a crab in the splash below the rock, Talk To The Tail, Crabcake adds the name for clarity from a dock post, and Complaints Go To The Tail files it from a striped buoy with a lobster perched on top and a cocktail in hand. The fin has its own desk: Tell My Fin routes a seagull's remarks there, Talk To Fin asks a crab to Finish Talking To The Fin, and Talk To The Fin, I'm Busy sips straight through the conversation. Unclaw Me Now is what happens when the crab tries the direct approach on the tip of her tail.
Office hours
A whole run of these lines sounds like a meeting she ended. Meeting Dismissed holds a phone up from the dock edge under This Could've Been A Text. Not My Department points away from a crab hauling a stack of books and papers, Not My Tide holds a hand up to an octopus carrying a clock and a schedule, and Under New Management presents a clipboard reading Rules Updated to a crab who was not consulted. Zero Feedback Accepted lets the crab hold the Not Accepting Feedback sign himself while she rests her cheek on her hand. Manage Your Expectations goes one better: she is holding the lobster, the seagull is on the post, and everyone present has been managed.
For the woman who found the words
She has a comeback for the coworker, the group text, the man in the small boat, and the seagull, and she has never once raised her voice to deliver one. Her best friend has been quoting her for years. Pick the line the two of you already use, and let the tail take the follow-up questions. Somewhere a lobster is still working out which part of the sea to leave from.
Written by Mari Bennett. Thanks for reading.